“I’m Gonna Love You Through It.”

14 10 2011

A couple of times early on after my diagnosis, Don called me from work to say he’d lined up a sitter for Theo and that he’d like to take me out to dinner. Just the two of us.

Sounds romantic. And it is. Except.

Except that I was gripped by this terrible, irrational fear that he was going to tell me he couldn’t do this anymore, go along with me on this journey.

So, when we got to Carrabba’s and I was looking like a deer caught in the headlights rather than a wife out with her husband on a Friday night, he was confused.

“What’s wrong?” he asked once we were seated in our booth. “Did you want to go somewhere else?”

I stared at the table for a moment, then worked up the courage to say, “I’m afraid you’re going to tell me you can’t do this anymore.” And how could I blame him, really? This, my second cancer diagnosis in five years, the first coming when Don was just 32, me, 37.

Don reached across the table and covered my hands with his.

“I just want to have dinner with the woman I love,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It isn’t all that irrational if you look at the statistics — as many as 50 percent of marriages dissolve after a cancer diagnosis.

But we all know that when you’ve got the Real Deal — a hubby like mine — statistics are bunk.

It was silly. But I was scared.

A few days ago, Don sent me the most beautiful music video by Martina McBride that captures what this whole journey is all about. Then, this morning, my neighbor, Sue, sent it to me as well.

Me and my hubby, enjoying a ride on our pontoon boat. I just watched it. Again. And cried. Again. But they were very happy tears and a reminder that while the journey is tough, so much of what comes out of it can indeed be beautiful.

It is amazing. But a word of caution before you press “play” — grab a box of Kleenex first. (Click on Martina McBride’s name, above, and it will take you to the video.)

Copyright 2011, Amy Rauch Neilson

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13 responses

14 10 2011
Molly MacDonald

Another one our bloggers, Maryann Makekau’s little pink book is on this video and she has been invited to participate in the Christian Country Music Awards in Nashville. Her brand is blowing up . . . .

Check out Hope Matters Productions and introduce yourself to Maryann . . .when are you going to start blogging again . . by the way Don is one handsome dude!

14 10 2011
Kathy

Jeez…. just put me in a Hefty Bag and set me by the curb… I’m done for the day. Beautiful song. Very powerful.

14 10 2011
Carol Phillips

OK you’re right I cried big time through this. We are here for you Amy!

14 10 2011
Nancy

This was so beautiful. Thanks for sharing!

14 10 2011
brian Murphy

With tears in my eyes, I write: Don is a great guy . . . and at times like these you see the truth behind the cliche. Love to you both——-b

14 10 2011
Kristi Rugh Kahl

You know I was crying just reading your blog! Let alone watching the video! Should have worn the waterproof mascara today! LOVE the picture of you and Don…..you gotta blow that one up for sure and hang in on the wall :) He’s a great guy and you’re a great woman so God put you together for a reason….enjoy all the wonderfull memories you are making together and with little Theo. I’m gonna love ya through it too!
xoxo Kristi

14 10 2011
Aunt Doris

What beautiful music. I love you guys, all three! I am proud to be one of your aunts.

14 10 2011
Beth Johnson

I’ve seen it twice before now (even linked it on Facebook), and I cried uncontrollably each time. I’ve lost one friend and one acquaintance to breast cancer, and watching you with all your strength… it’s inspiration and terrifying.

I hope you know that every poster here is doing there little bit to “love” you through it as best we can.

Beth

14 10 2011
Paul Vachon

Amy,

Your husband is a lucky guy.

Paul

15 10 2011
Marnie

Aim,
I can tell you that the bond that developed between my mom and dad (specifically after cancer diagnosis) was incredible….they loved each other as true soulmates…their bond made stronger because it was forged in fire. Yes, some relationships buckle under the load….but you and Don, like my parents, will find a strength, love and need in each other like no other. It will bring you closer and you will “know” and trust and love each other in a way that would not be possible perhaps otherwise. No, it is not a “fairly-tale” love where everything is simple and effortlessly “happily ever after. But this love is real, stronger, more compassionate and knows no bounds or roadblocks. Jump the hurdles together – hold hands and share every moment as one.

17 10 2011
Juergen

Amy,
I am so happy for you to have such a support with Don. His admirable attitude just fits with the impression I have of him and is confirmed. Way to go both of you!
Love
Juergen

18 10 2011
Helene Rabinowitz

Amy and Don, what can I say that already hasn’t been said. Thank you so much for sharing yourselves to those of us who love you and are here for you. Great picture too.

19 10 2011
Laurie Horn

I’ve not had the pleasure yet of meeting Don but, I love him bcause he loves you!!
And I do love that song..

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