I got a call from the Clinical Trials Nurse this afternoon. The results from my chest X-ray are back and I’m to see the doctor tomorrow at 12:40 p.m. — before my 2 p.m. chemotherapy infusion.
“Does that mean the news isn’t good?” I asked her, since I have to see the doctor.
Would they really have me see the doctor just to give me an all-clear?
“You know I can’t tell you either way,” she said. “You know it’s against policy and I’d get myself into trouble.”
Sigh. Yes, I know. But you can’t blame a girl for trying.
So, now I wait. And I wonder.
I started feeling a pressure in my chest on Good Friday. It feels like an elephant is standing on my chest sometimes. This went on through Easter weekend, then it seemed to get a lot better, even disappear last week. Then, a few days ago, it started up again. So, my doc ordered the X-ray.
My gut tells me it’s related to my asthma — which was a very minor condition before this illness. I would use an inhaler, but only before exercising. Now, it seems any exertion can cause me this chest pressure, and it goes on for days. I also wonder if it’s related to exhaustion, or my body being worn down from the chemo.
But, of course, I worry. I worry that it’s something else — like the tumors in my lungs have grown and they’re now causing this odd pressure. I find myself taking in deep breaths of air, expanding my lungs to full capacity — just to prove I can still do it.
So, I’m requesting prayers, please, that it’s nothing, nothing at all. A flare-up of my asthma. A slight chest cold. Something, anything that falls into the No Big Deal category.
I won’t be by myself when I get the results. Far from. My sister, Julie, my niece Natalie, and my bff Tabitha will be there along with my friend and former high school drum major Scott, who is my chemo buddy for the day. I hope he doesn’t mind being stuffed into a small exam room with a bunch of girls. But then again, why would he object to being surrounded by beautiful women?! (That’s always been my theory as to why he wanted to be drum major in the first place — you know, the job’s a real chick magnet!)
I’ll let you know the results as soon as I know.
Copyright 2011, Amy Rauch Neilson