Will There Ever Be a Time Again…

18 06 2011

When every day will seem normal again, and not life-or-death? When my biggest decision will be water park or sprinkler park with my son on a hot summer’s day? Free of days when I must choose to get treatment and give myself shots that will cause severe bone pain, which is far better than the other choice — no treatment at all and the unthinkable consequences that would follow?

Will there every come a time again when it’ll be second nature to be able to do the things that make us human, that make us feel normal, like get frustrated when someone cuts us off in traffic or worry about something a client said? To wonder how I’m going to squeeze in stopping for a gallon of milk or how we’ll scrape together the cash for something we really need?

I am not even sure sometimes that I know or even recall, after just a few months of enduring the terror of and treatment for a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis, what normal is, but I do know that I want it back.

Copyright 2011, Amy Rauch Neilson

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16 responses

18 06 2011
brian Murphy

Yes, yes, YES!!!

18 06 2011
Scott Orwig

These may or may not be encouraging words, but the only thing I am sure of is that “normal” never comes back. Cancer or no cancer, normal keeps changing. But eventually you will get back to worrying about traffic and clients and your teenage son and other things you don’t even know about yet. It’s unfair you have to go through this now, but you will get back to closer to average with a new appreciation for the pleasures of everyday worries.

18 06 2011
trish

Amy I can not imagine what you are going through! Just want you to know that miracles do happen! You just have to stay strong and try to be positive! You are not alone! Once you are able to do the things you want you will realize how strong you are! You are brave just fight the cancer and do not let it win by being down when you are down just focus on your son and the future YOU WILL HAVE!! I do not know you but I am tabitha’s cousin! I wish you the best! I am praying for you!!

18 06 2011
Alison

Wish I could think of a great response Amy but I can’t. All I can wish for you is that your recovery is complete……and that in 10 years time, while you’re marveling at the fact that Theo is a head taller than you, and you’re struggling to balance your work, his sports activities and school and your hubby’s schedule, `normal’ will be a way of life and this will all be a distant memory.

18 06 2011
Laurie Horn

Yes Amy there will be. You get glimpses of it every now and then in between treatments and shots. Hang on to those moments to get you through to the next moment.

18 06 2011
Cathy Carey

It’s been 5 years and I’m still trying to define my new normal. I know I’ll get there some day but it’s been a hell of a road to travel.

18 06 2011
M.E. Murray

I have never experienced the terror of a cancer diagnosis, but I have been through a harrowing divorce and the life changing horror of being in the path of a chemical explosion, I was burned over 20% of my body, most of them 3rd degree chemical burns, but some “only” 2nd from where my clothes melted to my skin. During the months of recovery I told my then 13 year old son that I would give anything for just one normal day….and he, with the wisdom of a child, said “mom, maybe this is normal..” I’ve never forgotten that…it’s been 25 years since…and I live everyday for the gift it is. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but know that many of us are out here pulling and praying for you, and hoping that you have many many “normal” days to come.

18 06 2011
Roni Kinsella

Big Hug & Love

18 06 2011
Kimberly Brown

Amy, I don’ t think I can really say anthiing that hasn’t already been said. I am a 3 1/2yr survivor. I am terrified of recurrence. But all I can do is live every day…live it to the best. Sometimes that is getting the garden watered, animals taken care of, beds made, hall swept, and maybe folding a load of clothes by 7am. Somedays that is going window shopping, or internet shopping….I can’ t afford to buy anything, but it ‘s fun to think about.
Somedays, it is a lot of short naps, and early bed.
From what you have reported, you are doing successfully on the Parp inhibitors….hope I got that right…..and have every reason to believe that you have plenty of time coming to do all those wonderful things with your son. But don’t delay them either. I have kept notes for my kids…just in case. To tell them about the important times in their lives that I would have wanted to guide them through.
Keep up that treatment girl, you are breaking ground for a lot of other warriors…..a treatment that should be lifesaving. I can’t tell you the pride I have when I tell others your story, and about your courage. You will beat this…..you will win.
Blessed Be dear one
Kim B

18 06 2011
Lori

Normal? (smile & giggle) Love ya.

19 06 2011
Susan

You are in my prayers Amy to have many years ahead.

20 06 2011
Maureen

*HUGS* from up north.

20 06 2011
Sharon Dumas (Craig's mon)

Keep reaching for that ball of ‘sunshine’ , even if it’s behind the clouds, it’s always there.
You are that SUNSHINE to all who are around you.

20 06 2011
Sara Nickerson

Amy, I kept coming back to this blog, not sure what to say. I moved on to other emails, and ran across your blog from last week, “Pick yourself up by your bootstraps!” That was such an encouraging blog you wrote, that I thought maybe re-reading it would help you out! Your notes have helped me (and I’m sure, others) in our battles to stay strong, and encouraged. As I near the end of my own treatment regiment, I find myself returning slowly to “normal”, and I’m sure you will also! In the mean time, go for the sprinklers! Stay strong, Amy! You’re in my thoughts and prayers!

21 06 2011
Rita O'Connor

Amy…the sun comes up every day and so must your spirits, because that’s the kind of
strong woman you are. I have no idea of the number of people you have helped through your blog, but I know its a lot, as everyone carries their joy and pain in this dear life we live. That’s why laughter is a good and true antidote to the worry. I think of your wonderful Mother and Dad, and I know they are pulling for you. And so is Charlie….you just can’t beat the three of them together…plus all your friends and readers, so “hang in”
darlin’….You CAN do it….you ARE doing it. HURRAH for AMY! Love, Mom Reet

22 06 2011
margaret jarose

amy, we all look for your comments on the web , makes our day positive, knowing you are trying to be the best person you can, for Theo & Donnie. You are in our thoughts and prayers., love from all, aunt marg & uncle Bob, Kim, Dave, Bob jr./& Valerie & Tim, Daniel and Ryan Ringer/ Suzanne and Mike, and Kelly & Brad Felder.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooo

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