Status Update: Stuck in Isolation

13 07 2011

It’s getting harder to hold my head up and smile. Being here is grueling. I’m thankful that I did not have the worst-case scenario, but I still know that I’m fighting something pretty big.

There are three teams of doctors from different areas — oncology, infectious disease, and surgery — who come in to see me several times a day. Since the problem seems to be Infectious Disease, the ID team has taken charge.

Yesterday, they took a sample from one of my lesions to culture. The results come back in 24 to 36 hours, so later today or tomorrow. The kind of infection I have — the possibilities run the gamut, so yesterday, they moved me into an Isolation Room.

Me in isolation seems an oxymoron. The room is actually is so technologically advanced that it has negative air flow, meaning that when someone opens the door, the air from the inside of my room does not go out. Everyone who comes in has to wear full garb — a gown and mask. It reminds me of that scene from the movie E.T.

I will have a CT Scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis today at 2 p.m. Please pray that somehow, someway, those tumors in my lungs are gone. That would turn all of this around. I’d still have to heal from this infection, of course, but it would be real and amazing progress in my battle with breast cancer.

As for when I’m going home: Well, now it’s looking like Thursday or Friday. While I know how important it is to be here where they can take good care of me and do what needs to be done, I hate it.

I have an annual tradition with my bff Marnie Leonard Fender. Every year, we take our boys to the 4H Fair. Today was the day. I’m so sad as I look out the window at the bright sunshine, missing my boy, my husband, my life.

Last night, when Don and Theo pulled into the hospital parking lot, Theo said to Don, “Isn’t the hospital a place where people die?” And Don explained to him that while that is true, it is also a place where people get better, and Mommy would be one of those people.

I cry a lot. Lack of sleep — always someone poking, prodding, hanging bags of antibiotics, taking blood, administering a shot, taking you for a test. It is said that it is hard to get rest in the hospital and that is true. I think it’s the accumulation of all the months of chemo endured so far, with this blip just the icing on the cake. It is difficult. Most of all, I miss my little boy and my hubby, the sounds and smells and feel of home, a run for soft-serve or a boat ride.

Praying for miraculous results from my CT Scan today and also, that they figure out WHAT the infection is and that I can go home very soon.

Copyright 2011, Amy Rauch Neilson

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29 responses

13 07 2011
amybuttell

I can’t imagine how difficult it is to be in isolation. Doesn’t that term say it all? I do know, however, that this is a blip in the road. You’re where you need to be, as hard as it is. I’m praying for you and thinking of you and hoping that you get home tomorrow or Friday and get back to Don and Theo. You’re a fighter and you are doing so, so well under incredibly difficult circumstances. Love you! Amy

13 07 2011
Beth Johnson

Just remember, you are not truly in “isolation” because you have all of us out here, hanging on your every word, praying you get better quickly so that you can kiss Don and hug Theo.

And you WILL get better. This fact we all know.

Hugs,
Beth

13 07 2011
Chelsea L.

What Amy B. said. We’re with you, all of us in IITG land.

13 07 2011
Scott Orwig

On top of everything else, I wonder if the drugs they must be pumping into you have any mood effects. That could make the isolation and exhaustion and anxiety harder to cope with.

It would be wonderful to get some good CT news out of this. Am I right that even no change would be a victory in this point of the battle?

13 07 2011
Amy Rauch Neilson

You are right, Scott! Oncology explained to me a while back that stable, smaller, or gone are all great results — only ‘has gotten bigger or has spread” are bad results.

13 07 2011
Laurie Horn

I haven’t known what to say to my sister-in-law with her many lengthy stays in the hospital enduring the things you are now, and I don’t know what to say to you either. Just know you have the love, support, and prayers of many people including many you don’t even know. Amy your spirit is so strong let it lift you. I believe in you. Big Bear Hug!!!

13 07 2011
amy youngblood

Sending you positive vibes and visualizing you on that boat this weekend with twist cone in hand and make it a large…..dipped in butterscotch with sprinkles!!!!!

13 07 2011
Maureen

Thank God for cyberspace — it perhaps makes this ‘blip’ more tolerable. We’re all out here thinking of you and praying for you with the certainty that you will be home soon! Love ewe!

13 07 2011
Alison

Amy, everything is crossed for you that you will soon be home with your lovely Theo and Don. And as Beth said, you may feel isolated but truly are not as we are all hanging on your every word and are thoughts are with you all the time. Be well very soon.

13 07 2011
Kelly

Amy – you are in our thoughts and prayers. Stay as strong as you have been and know that you have so many people who are praying for your health. I’m sorry you are going through this!

13 07 2011
ellynd

Thinking about you and praying you get better soon. Ellyn

13 07 2011
Craig Dumas

You’ll make it Kiddo! Just keep up that infectious attitude and smile! To see the light at the end of the tunnel you must take the darkest, hardest paths!

13 07 2011
Rita P

Ahhh, sweet child of God, relax deeply into His loving embrace as He surrounds you with His healing love. Absorb ALL the love — from Him directly, and from Him through each of us. Much love!

13 07 2011
Debby Neilson

I just can’t imagine YOU in isolation. I can see you climbing the walls.Love, prayers and hugs always coming your way. You will be out on that boat ride in no time. Love you

13 07 2011
Dorothy moore

Hang in there, your Nardin Park family is praying for you. I hope the tests came back better than your wildest hopes and that you are soon home and in good spirit and health.

13 07 2011
Judith Lange

I’m thinking of you, praying for you and your family and sending positive thoughts your way. You are an amazing, miraculous woman. Always remember the impact that you and your battle are having on others who are fighting their own battles. You have a wonderful, hopeful attitude that brings tears to my eyes. God Bless You.

13 07 2011
Rita O'Connor

Darling daughter….”life ain’t for sissies” is it? You have proven over and over the tremendous courage inside your heart. Just keep doing what you are doing. You have no idea how great is the number of people who CARE about you and Don and Theo. I think you must hold the record number of people who are on your side. Hang in! We will all do the praying for you.
Love from all of us up here….that is, “the Gaylord Gang” Mom Reet

13 07 2011
Angie Glitz

Amy, I love you and am praying for you.

13 07 2011
Debbie Loumakis

Sending more LOVE & PRAYERS!

13 07 2011
Kim Peterson

Amy – Praying for good scans! Thinking of you always…knowing how hard it is to be poked, prodded and interupted all the time… as everyone else has said, remember you are not alone. Once you get out we’ll have to test out those new glasses and if the bottle is gone I’m going back to WI later this year and I will get you another one – or 6! You are one of the strongest people I know and you will be fine for our next play date in a few weeks…. Lots of hugs, good wishes and prayers….

13 07 2011
Val

It’s almost 2 and I’m thinking and praying for you!

13 07 2011
Sandy Sherman-Sarlund

I can’t imagine being in isolation. Even though you know that it’s what is needed, it doesn’t make it any easier or make you miss your son, hubby, dogs or life any less. I believe this is a blip for you & your family. You WILL make it through this. I am always amazed at how strong you are. You truly are an inspiration to the rest of us. Maybe when you get through this you should audition for Wonder Woman 🙂

13 07 2011
Claire

I’m so sorry you are going through this added misery. I’m praying that you can get better and out of there and back with your lovely family really soon. ((hugs ))

13 07 2011
Beth

Hang in there… My dad was @ Beaumont recently and they have the best ID team ever!! It WILL get better!

13 07 2011
Mary Dougherty

Gosh darn it all to thunder! I can’t amagine you in isolation! Not with your bubbley personality. My prayers are with you and hope to see you, Don and Theo soon. We love you beautiful lady. Mary & Bill

13 07 2011
Elaine

I have nothing but you must hang in there! you have alot of support, love and your little Theo and Don with you on this.
We all love you and just hang in and get better! 🙂

13 07 2011
Adrienne Leonard

Amy, you have been so strong, courageous, and hopeful throughout your journey to conquer!!! So many people are praying for you, even some you don’t know (like me, Marnie’s Aunt). It touches me deeply to read your story, and your Theo has the gift of a beautiful Mother. Keep your wonderful attitude, and I know the outcome will be a good one. You are so loved and held deep in my heart with prayers. God’s arms are around you, Adrienne

13 07 2011
Karen

You are in my thoughts and prayers
Thank you for allowing all of us to be there with you
Karen

14 07 2011
Nancy Hall

Amy, I’m so sorry for what you are going though. You are in my thoughts and prayers to get the heck out of there, healthy and well!

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