Home Sweet Home!

31 07 2011

Theo, coming off a wild ride down a waterslide Friday afternoon. Photo by Amy Rauch Neilson.

We are home, sweet home.

It was wonderful to be away. The week couldn’t have been any better. We whooped it up, laughed with friends, loved, shared, played. I felt so terrific that I not only forgot I was a cancer patient for long stretches of time, but at one point, I even wondered if I really was a cancer patient. Just a flicker, the quick savor, of a moment.

It’s wonderful to be back. Theo and I both missed Don a lot. We are complete when the three of us are together. It was good to smother Don with lots of hugs and kisses — Theo’s around Don’s legs, me around Don’s neck, when we greeted him.

I only wish that this past week had been not only a celebration of close friends and good times, but of the final hurrah of my chemo regimen.

Alas, that’s not the case.

It’s hard to go back.

Tomorrow, we begin again. An appointment with my doctor. Blood draws and labs to see where my counts are. Tuesday morning, 10 a.m., the nurse will insert the needle into my port and I will sit there in the infusion center as three separate bags of chemotherapy drugs drip into my veins. By the end, some four or five hours later, the color will have drained from my face and I will feel nauseous, disoriented, sick.

I can do this. I know I can. I just don’t want to.

But I will. Of course I will. The means will justify the eventual end: Remission. There is a date out there somewhere when I will no longer have to do this. I just don’t know what that date is. But I have the fortitude to wait it out.

In the meantime, I look down the road in only brief glimpses, keeping my eyes on the here and now so that I can digest what lies ahead a little at a time. Small bits and pieces. Nothing too large to swallow or to overwhelm.

One day at a time.

Copyright 2011, Amy Rauch Neilson



16 responses

31 07 2011

Remember how Jules suggested you fill your calander. You did a great job with it in July…..remember the next 12 months! Love ya a bit….

31 07 2011
Rita P

We’re ALL much better when we learn to NOT look down the road, even for a bit. This moment is all there is . . . in the deepest truest sense of the word. When we stay NOW, there is nothing but LOVE.

31 07 2011
Margaret (mom)

Way to go Amy, keep up those thoughts!

31 07 2011
Kristi Kahl

Welcome home …..glad u had a great getaway! Lots of memories!

31 07 2011
Deborah Ann Peters

Looking down the road little bits at a time, you will see the “judder bars” ( New Zealand’s speed bumps) Take one judder bar at a time. You will feel more comfortable after you get into the routine again. I wish others could take the chemo for you, but still do you the good. I would be first in line to volunteer.

31 07 2011

Yes, one day at a time Amy. So happy to hear about your wonderful trip with Theo……..and wishing you many happy trips ahead with your lovely family. Hope the chemo goes as smoothly as humanly possible.

31 07 2011
Mary Ellen

I enjoyed spending time with you and Theo this past week! Glad you came to visit!

31 07 2011

What a wonderful time you had and so nice to be home with the whole family;)
I’ll be thinking happy positive strength giving thoughts for you as you head into this week of chemo.
You have it right: one day at a time and lots of planned bright spots!
((( hugs )))

31 07 2011
Debby Neilson

Welcome home, Amy!!!

1 08 2011

TY, Lord, for the renewal of Amy. Give her strength, patience, and perserverance. Hugz, sweet lady.

1 08 2011

Sounds like a wonderful vacation, not just from chemo, but just to get away, get different scenery, enjoy friends and just have a plain ole good time! In the next few months, when things get tough, you have a great distraction thinking of Theo riding the tube with his awesome glasses, or sliding down the slide at the water park and being with great friends. Shoot, its a vacation for me just thinking of you doing that! LOL Don’t forget to start your August and September calendar blocks with fun things to do, be it an ice cream cone or a trip to the park. God is good. Love ya!

1 08 2011
Rita O'Connor

What a great breakaway for you and Theo! Good for all of you!
I’m winding up a case of “shingles” here. Adult case of chicken pox ……….
about three weeks now….time to say “bye” to them. I hope. All else OK. Love. dn Mom Reet

1 08 2011

Welcome home! What a great week you and Theo shared together with friends. Times like this “fill the well” so to speak and make it possible to undertake the work of treatments. I’m sure it was wonderful for Theo to have his mom focused on fun with him….now that’s what the doctor ordered! See you Thursday my bff!

1 08 2011

Dear Lord please give Amy the strength to bear today. Help her to ponder the fun, the memories You gave her this past week as she bears the meds and the yuckiness of chemo..
be her very present help Lord God.
I will be praying for you today Amy!

1 08 2011
margaret jarose

Hi Amy, keep up all that fortitude, you have it in you, also for Theo, and Donnie. look forward to life with ” all of your family” and their are lots and lots of Rauches pulling for Amy….. hugs to you…..aun marg & uncle bob.

3 08 2011
Rita O'Connor

Terry and Cathy’s son Sean (across the street) was married last Saturday
here in Gaylord. Beautiful wedding which I attended…couldn’t do the party
afterward due to shingles. They are a lovely newly married couple and its nice to add such a lovely girl to our family. All is well here in Wheatenaville
Prayers are on heaven’s track for you and Mary. Love and prayers. Mom Reet

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